I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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