Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
