I looked at my own cervix.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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