Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
