Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
