Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
