i jhust puked up my retainher.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my being single is dangerous.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
