I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
