but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
