Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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