i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
