We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
