Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize