I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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