Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
sick fucks of a feather flock together
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
