Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
