I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
