I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
