found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
