How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
