She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize