my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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