pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
