i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
