so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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