your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
