I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
