at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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