you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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