So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
