She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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