Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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