I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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