YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
