just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
