he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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