her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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