i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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