hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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