Someone shit on the floor
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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