End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
