Hey man sorry I got all grabby
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
