Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
