I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
