Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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