Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
