no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
A bitchslap is in order.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
