Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
