i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
