I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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