I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize