dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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