My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
