Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
