Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize