no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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