I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
