I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
