Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
And then he peed in my hair
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
