Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
