Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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