You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He passed out mid-signature
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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