fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
