I like to think it a success when the cops are called
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
