he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
