Porn is love you can see.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
