lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
