You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
