Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize