I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
being pregnant is like rehab
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
