why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
