I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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