i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
