I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
