Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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