I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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