the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize